Money, you, and you partner
One of the questions that I get asked all the time is..
“Why is it that when me and my partner love each other so much, we so often argue about money? It’s a real source of conflict.”
One of the biggest reasons given for divorce is money – arguing about it, secrecy over it and a general mismatch of opinions with it.
We’re all different when it comes to money.
We all have our own money stories, which start even before we were born – yep our money story starts when we are in the womb and they continue to evolve up until adulthood.
The early years of our money stories are the most important.
They are filled with experiences, observations, and messages that we received about money from the people around us.
Those experiences and observations were all soaked up by our young brains, which are just like sponges when we are little!
We put them all together, in our own individual ways and form the beliefs and emotions that we will hang onto for years to come.
In turn, these beliefs and emotions will determine the relationship we have with money now.
So, you have your money story, and your partner has their money story. They are going to be different.
You may have noticed that each of you gets triggered or charged in certain situations. Like when you say one tiny little thing to your partner, and they seem to get annoyed or cross for what seems like no reason? It happens in reverse too – both of you find it frustrating yet it is rarely explored. It’s a great idea to stop for a second and ask yourselves WHY you get triggered, and seem to be able to trigger your partner too? What actually was it that hit that nerve – and hit it hard?
Learning about and understanding each other’s money stories will open up a whole new world for you when it comes to communicating about money. It will help you change your relationship with your partner on the money front and actually in other ways too.
You both had your own individual money stories before you met but now you are both living in a third money story – it began the day you got together. But what about the first two volumes? Surely you need to know how the stories started?
How about you book an evening together? Maybe a glass of wine, light a candle, and decide to have a conversation about money? But not about facts, figures and bills. Nope – Just to talk about stories.
Ask questions like:
- tWhat was it like growing up in your family?
- tHow did your mum and dad each handle money?
- tWas there a feeling of scarcity or abundance for you as a child?
- tWas there conflict in your household about money, with arguments?
- tWhat words and phrases did you hear around money?
- tDid you hear things like….?
- tMoney doesn't grow on trees?
- tWe can't afford it.
- tYou're rubbish with money.
- tYou spend too much.
- t What did you actually hear?
I invite you to take some time to understand each other more about your money stories and your money past.
I can assure you that learning more about each other and yourselves where money is concerned will help you to have a successful third money story.
It would be so brilliant for it to have a wonderful future and a happy ending – don’t you agree?
If you would like me to send you the free Couples and Money Ebook please click here.